When it comes to porn movie titles, there are two instances that reviewers really dig. The first occurs when a title gives you a clear visual of what you will see in the movie. The Sloppy Head series would qualify in that department. The second occurs when filmmakers create an obvious, yet fiendishly clever pun using a common word or phrase and the name of the porn star that will be featured in said film. Elegant Angel’s “Evalutionary,” the one you will read and learn about here, would be a good example of that. Why is a pun so appreciated? Well, humor implies intelligence, and a pun-oriented title helps to identify right away which star demands our focus before we even watch the film. Simply calling her “the naked slut on the box cover” doesn’t narrow things down very much.

Classified as an All Sex film, Evalutionary is a breath of fresh, pheromone-splattered air. It couldn’t possibly be any more in opposition to the ambitious epic that this reviewer tackled just prior. That one contained an intricate plot and extremely complex set design; this particular production has zero plot and zero character development, making it much like NBC’s late night television line-up. It does, however, put all the focus on the fucking. Okay, not all of the focus as there is a neat staircase as the backdrop of one scene, but 99.9992% of the action is all about the amazing Eva Angelina and what she accomplishes with three orifices. Of course you knew that already though because of the title. See why puns are cool?

Unlike a reviewer, the film wastes no time getting going. The first scene is a one-on-one session with Manuel Ferrara (the current AVN Male Performer of the Year) and it’s a terrific way to begin. Eva doesn’t sport her trademark glasses in this one, but her patented tits and copyrighted ass are on full lockdown thanks to Ferrara’s infamous cock stick. Her mouth and his poker share a Kodak moment with some preliminary cock sucking; then he wallops her pussy in the spoon position, tightening her already vice-like twat by stuffing a couple of fingers inside her while he’s fucking her. Two objects occupying the same space simultaneously violates nearly every law of physics and half the laws of thermodynamics, and let’s not even get started on the number of theories, postulates, maxims and razors getting a raw deal here. Regardless, the two fuck while standing and while bent over in doggie, and he even drives his face into her sopping twat like he was passing through the Lincoln Tunnel. The best part, however, is yet to come. In the spoon position, he spreads her legs for the camera and performs a nice birdie ballet on her tight asshole, teasing the circumference with his middle finger. They fuck again, Eva frigging her own clit while her fat tits jiggle in a clockwise direction like toilet water in Australia. She comes in tremors, her face red partly from exertion and partly from the lack of oxygen getting to her head on account of Manuel having a grip on her throat. The scene ends with about eight rifle shots of warm cum onto her waiting mouth and seven direct hits. An 83% kill rate isn’t good from point blank range, but he expels a hell of a lot of semen when he fires, so all is forgiven.

Eva and Kristina Rose make up the next great scene. Like Eva, Kristina has brunette locks and a shapely figure, but her cute little natural tits are a nice contrast to Eva’s chestal berms. The girls go right after Mark Ashley’s cock in a New York minute. Kristina concentrates on his dangly pair of spunk-ubators while Eva shuttles her pie hole onto the head of his massive prick. Eva divides her legs and plops her pleasure zone onto his face as Ashley does his best to rope-a-dope Kristina into sucking his cock. Here you get a good underside shot of Kristina’s ample ass springing up and down as her pussy lips get split apart. The three then engage in a Lazy Chain (basically, it’s a daisy chain where the circle is not closed off). Kristina eats out Eva, twirling her stretched out pussy lips with her tongue like a valley girl twirls gum around her index finger. Meanwhile, Ashley drinks heavily from Kristina’s ass fountain. Girly yelps fill the room like a track from a song by the Thrill Kill Kult. Eva is experiencing the rapture, or maybe Ashley spilled Aqua Velva onto her razor burned crotch. Either way, keep the volume knob handy. Kristina sensually massages Eva’s asshole with her food taster and then Ashley spears her with his butt skewer. There is an excellent penetration shot of Eva’s ass, her rump assuming the position against the couch. Apparently she forgot they are called arm rests. The best shot here might be Kristina piling on top of Eva double-decker style, with Ashley ass fucking both alternately. As he plows Kristina’s bum cakes, Eva shows off her gape and fingers her clit at the same time. After Kristina cums she rushes to suck her scent off his rod (probably before it EVAporates), which she shares with Eva. Ashley finishes by fucking Kristina’s ass once again then pulls out for some delayed ATM, taking a moment for every last drop of cum to seep out of his cock into and onto their hot mouths.

Other scenes include a threeway with Rachel Starr and a stealthy James Deen. There are some nice angles of the girls in 69, and a nice titty fuck session between Deen and Rachel with Eva stabilizing his cock between her glazed mounds using her dominant hand. Eva also takes on L.T.’s big black cock and a shot of cum onto her face and glasses, and does a DP with Mick Blue and Marco Banderas.

“Evalutionary” won for Best All-Sex Release and Best Director for a Non-Feature at this year’s AVN Awards show. It’s not hard to see why, with the amount of sexual vigor Eva displays after an 18-month hiatus from porn. That’s a lifetime in this industry. Things move fast and people can quickly forget you, but “Evalutionary” is one way to guarantee this full-figured sexpot never becomes “the naked slut on the box cover”.